Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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