I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
