And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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