haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
