So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
