I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
