What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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