Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
home. puking in laundry basket.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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