Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
