I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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