i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
