Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
