I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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