D3 body, D1 cock
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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