I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
