Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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