drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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