Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.