my mouth tastes like poor choices
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
