I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.