i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.