I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.