he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car