from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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