Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
