If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
