pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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