well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize