Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
