I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
