And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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