There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
