I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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