We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
