This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
