i think my mom watched the whole time
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
