So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
