What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
