It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
