So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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