sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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