I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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