I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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