i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
