"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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