mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
