Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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