Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
