he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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