benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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