Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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