I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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