I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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