i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
