Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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