I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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