When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
