i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
