I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
