Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
